Your team doesn’t need you to be authentic, or “more authentic”. They need you to be an island.

Margaret Wheatley talks about “islands of sanity”, the pockets of steadiness leaders create when everything around them feels chaotic and crazy. Herminia Ibarra calls out the “authenticity paradox”, how “this is just who I am” quietly becomes the thing that keeps leaders stuck. Many I’m working with are feeling this paradox right now.

Here’s where they meet:

// The command-and-control leader who won’t soften because “I’m just direct.”

// The deeply empathic leader who won’t give direction because “I don’t want to tell people what to do.”

Both are protecting a self-image. Neither is being an “island”.

What does your team actually need from you right now? And is your version of “authenticity” getting in the way of giving it to them?

Being the steady ground your teams can stand on almost always requires you to flex past your preferred self (or even the only “self” you know). The directive leader has to learn to sit in uncertainty with people. The empathic leader has to learn that holding back direction isn’t kindness, it’s neglect dressed up as respect.

That flexibility isn’t inauthentic. It might be the most authentic, true, and needed thing you do all week. Simple, but not easy.

The “island” is built from what the moment needs, which might be uncomfortable for you, but exactly what your team hopes for.

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Here are a few resources that I’ve found interesting and have been sharing with clients:

1 // Most people believe they’re self-aware, but aren’t. Here are ways to improve your self-knowledge. (10 min read)

2 // The paradox of effort, and the power of de-efforting. (1 min read)

3 // When does thought leadership actually become thought leadership? (18 min podcast)