“There are commitments you have, and there are commitments that have you.” ~ Robert Kegan & Lisa Lahey
It’s hard to imagine waking up one day and all of the challenge is gone. Nothing is difficult, nothing feels hard to accomplish. But yet, here we are, each and every one of us, in a struggle with a change we want for ourselves and struggling to make it.
It’s like a foot on the gas, and a foot on the brake. A “brake” that’s deeply internal, and perhaps has been there for years and years. It’s so much a part of us that we don’t see it anymore.
While we’re consciously committed to the change in front of us – we want it so badly – there’s often a hidden, competing commitment we have that makes it almost impossible to reach the goal we have in front of us. We do small things to bring us closer to the goal, maybe forming new habits by building systems for ourselves to make the habits easier to follow. We have streaks and we celebrate, only to then be pulled back into a pattern that we’ve held for what feels like eternity. Ugh.
The big question for each of us, especially as leaders, is – how do I find out what *my* hidden, competing commitment is? The good news is that we can all do this work, through a series of simple, reflective questions. The bad news is that our hidden competing commitment usually isn’t something we want to talk about or face. And the things that we actively do to protect and keep that hidden competing commitment aren’t noble. We secretly hate them.
Uncovering the Hidden Competing Commitments
Here are the questions to get you started:
1 // What’s your compelling commitment or goal?
2 // What are you doing or not doing that works against that goal?
3 // Image doing the opposite of what you captured in the 2nd question. What are the things you worry would happen?
4 // Using the worries you came up with, you can now slightly re-frame them to reveal the commitments that have you.
Here’s a brief example:
My worthy, conscious commitment: “I’m committed to shipping imperfect things!”
What I do or don’t do: “I rate my work in comparison to other people.” / “I procrastinate on creating or shipping something if I’m not comfortable with it.” / “I build up a deliverable as being heavy.”
The worries: “My work will look amateur.” / “No one will think my work has value.” / “I’ll look sloppy.”
My hidden, competing commitments: “I’m also committed to not looking amateur.” / “I’m also committed to not looking sloppy.” / “I’m also committed to delivering the most valuable things ever.”
Do you see the hidden “immune system” appearing?
A foot on the gas, a foot on the brake. It’s called the Immunity to Change, we all have it, and it can be uncovered and transformed with a willingness to open up, reflect, and build experiments to test and track doing something different.
This is the work that great leaders do, always working on themselves, hoping to be better every day. If you want any support in going through these prompts, please reach out, I’m here for you.
Here are a few resources that I’ve found interesting and have been sharing with clients:
1 // “I’ve spent my career studying bad habits. Here’s what I’ve learned about breaking them.” (10 min read)
2 // You can shift from “hidden blockers to productive beliefs.” (8 min read)
3 // “That’s the crucial skill now…understanding yourself clearly enough to navigate a landscape that changes faster than any career guide can track.” The Death of the Corporate Worker, Part 3. (5 min read)
